It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
