She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
