I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
