my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
