My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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