I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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