1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
