mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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