Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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