I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
