I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
