worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
