I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
