About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
