I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
