dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
