I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
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So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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