So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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