Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
