oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
