I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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