I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
don't judge my taste in strippers
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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