Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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