all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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