I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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