Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
