I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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