Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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