it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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