Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
