im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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