Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
