WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
