in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
