he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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