There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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