come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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