i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and i looked up. we had an audience...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
