You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
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You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.