I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?