I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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