It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it's like heaven, but drunker
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.