I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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