You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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