I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
