Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
