I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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