She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
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At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
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MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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