If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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