I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
