You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
