Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There was a lot of him and a little penis
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
