I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
