i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
