Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
