I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
