She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
