It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
