I think I won the penis lottery.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
