I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
