I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I party with great urgency now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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