When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You're like the curious george of whores
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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