Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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