I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
