When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
sex in a hospital.. check
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
