I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
