I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
