Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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