NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
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Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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