Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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