i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
