On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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