god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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