By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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