I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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