My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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