I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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