I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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