Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He kissed a someone with a penis
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
