I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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