Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
