when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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