The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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