It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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