Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
