That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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