this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
